Well...tomorrow marks two months since Zeke died.  It feels like a life time ago.  We're busy with school and living life.  Zach is gone during the week on overnight trips alot so we have fun or try to while he's gone.  We've struggled with colds the past week or so.  For you Floridians...it's cold out!  We're in the 30's at night and snow flakes were spotted just an hour south of us this morning.  I'm sooo not ready.  Ready or not...winter is upon us.

There are days when I really struggle and I cry on and off all day long.  There are other days when I don't think alot about him.  It's all so surreal.  There are times when I'm just overcome with sadness and I didn't even realize I was thinking about him.  Family functions are hard.  Our house still seems way too quiet.

His grave marker is in the ground.  For those of you that didn't know, he's buried behind our house.  Our house has a cemetary right behind it and we chose to have Zeke buried there.  The kids and I took a walk the one nice day we had last week and looked at it.  It's neat to look at all of the burial markers.  Some of them are so old! 

I feel like the Lord has been showing us and revealing to us little tidbits here and there.  I'll share more of this later.  I need to sleep!

Below is a letter written to us by friends of ours from the church here in Cleveland.  I read it the night of Zeke's viewing and it touched me so much.  I knew I wanted to say something at the memorial service but wasn't sure what and once I read this I knew I needed to share it.  Thank you Michael for the beautiful words.

 

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Dear Zach and Tanya,

           

            We first of all would like to say that your family has been in our prayers from the first time we received a phone call to pray for Ezekiel when he was being rushed to the hospital.  We know that this is the one thing all parents dream would never happen to one of their children and yet this is now happening to you.  Little Ezekiel must have brought much joy into your lives as God has made each child precious and different by design.  Each one has their own personality and features.  For little Ezekiel you must have just begun to see his own personality to come to light.

            Words are hard to find in these times.  Tears and questions come more frequently than answers.  Guilt and pain may even come more often than joy.  I know that you wish that you could turn the clock back just prior to Ezekiel falling into the pool so you could catch him, yet we are not given that option.  Even though you were not able to catch him in your arms, be reassured and comforted that when Ezekiel opened up his eyes, he was beholding Jesus.  Even though you could not catch him, Jesus was there to catch him and to be there when he opened his eyes and is now holding him close to his bosom.

 

He sent from above, he took me; he drew me out of many waters.     (2 Sam 22:17)

He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.     (Psalm 18:16)

Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it..     (Song of Solomon 8:7)

 

            Even though there may seem to be a wall between you and your child, please try to think of this of as a doorway.  A doorway through whom you shall also enter into one day.  A doorway made for us by Jesus’ life that was given for us so that we will never be forsaken or left alone.  A life that was given just so one day He can also hold Ezekiel and your whole family in his arms in a kingdom where there is no more death or sadness or separation.  A doorway to life eternal and a joy untold.

Just like the two that were walking to Emmaus and were questioning and grieving among themselves, wondering why these things happened and that their hope was taken from them – Jesus came along their side to reveal himself to them and to reassure them that although Satan may have appeared to won the battle, Jesus has won the war and has overcome death.  Not just for himself – also for all those who have put their trust in him, even the precious little ones…”That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.” (Mat 18:10)  In fact, so precious that the angels that are the closes to the Throne of God and His face are the same ones that are given charge over the little ones.  The angels that are the closes to God’s heart are given charge over the ones that are closes to our hearts.  Little Ezekiel is in good company now and is filling heaven with his light as he beholds Jesus.  

Tears and pain and sorrow are natural in these times as God has made each child precious.  We can not turn back the clock, we can not undo what has happened, we can only surrender our hearts to the One who has made us and knows our pain and suffering.  To the One that has promised to capture each tear in a bottle…. Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book? (Psalm 56:8).

May Jesus and the Holy Spirit be there to come along your side as your travel this road.  May it be His presence that comforts you and may it be His Word and those who also love you, hold you and give you strength and hope – knowing that in Heaven awaits for you a perfect home with a little boy that is waiting for the day to jump up in the arms of his mommy and daddy.

 

                                    Keeping you in our hearts and prayers,

                                                The Lindsey family      

My heart is heavy and sad.  Our 20 month old son Ezekiel drowned on Thursday in our pool.  We had packed up our house to move back to Ohio and an hour before we were set to leave...this happened.  Thank you to everyone who has called or messaged and especially to all of you who have been praying.  It's been a very long couple of days.  You all have been keeping us lifted up...literally.  Our precious boy is with Jesus.